"WHO AM I?"

by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Who am I? They often tell me I would step from my cell's confinement calmly, cheerfully, firmly, like a squire from his country-house.

Who am I? They also tell me I would talk to my warders freely and friendly and clearly, as though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me I would bear the days of misfortune equably, smilingly, proudly, like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself,
restless and longing and sick,
like a bird in a cage, struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,
yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
trembling with anger at despotisms and petty humiliation,
tossing in expectation of great events,
powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army, fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, thou knowest, O God, I am thine.

Dedicated to my brother Wymen. You can do it brother! Just keep up the spirit!

3rd WEEK INTO SCHOOL

and my little girl learnt that her teacher can be heartless. She mistakenly did her Science homework in her Moral exercise book. Apparently, no one bothered to tell her which exercise book is for what subject. So when her teacher (the MORAL TEACHER no less) saw her science home work in the moral book, she went ballistic! She scolded my daughter in front of the whole class in Malay and tore off the pages of her home work in the book!

I don’t know about you but as a parent, I am deeply concerned. First and foremost, that is hardly the reaction I expect the moral teacher to exhibit. What are we telling the kids? That it’s fine to explode in a fit of anger and destroy some one else’s property if things didn’t go the way we like it? Whatever happened to fact finding and quiet consultation? Whatever happened to level headed decision making before lashing out at people? I guess that is lacking in that teacher. I am not sure if she is morally fit to teach moral.

And then, whoever gave her the right to destroy the property of others, even though it’s just the exercise book of a 7 year old girl? And who gave her the right to tear off the science homework she did though it was done in the wrong book? I am hoping her science teacher will no go ballistic as well when she discovers that the homework is now “undone”.

And doesn’t anyone care that my kid has just started school, that she only know a little bit of Malay, that she has no idea which book is for what coz they all looked the same, that she has a heart and that it breaks her heart to see her hard work torn to bits? Maybe I am over protective but I feel that it is wrong, very wrong to assault the psyche of a young child this way.

If we have teachers like this, teaching moral no less, I truly fear for the future of this country.

PICTURE QUIZ

This 9 year old boy presented to a hospital in India. This picture was taken after being shown a bottle of water. Any one would like to venture a diagnosis?

WEEKEND SPENT GARDENING

Spent the weekend gardening with my family. Chinese New Year is just a week away so it was indeed time to spruce up the garden. The grass hasn't been cut for a while now and weeds were everywhere! Usually my daughter hates gardening. She just can't stand dirt on her hands. But last Saturday, for some inexplicable reasons, she actually joined in. Ryan on the other hand loves gardening.

Actually Ryan and Darlene do not really do any "gardening". Much of the time they will be digging out chunks of earth from any one of the unfortunate potted plants and transfer the earth to anywhere they fancy at that moment. Many a beautiful plant has died this painful death. Still, it was good to have them out in the garden and doing something instead of watching Pooh Bear or Narnia or Shrek for the hundreth times (I lost count).



It was a nice surprise to see the flower on my aloe vera which I wrote about earlier has become taller! I can't wait till it blooms, perhaps in time for the CNY.

Much to my utter chagrin, I discovered that my curry leaf plant has been infested by some really really ugly bugs that makes the leaves look sickly and unsightly. I
didn't take any pics of those bugs, figuring they are too ugly for this blog. Ugh! I spent a fair bit of time pruning away all the dying leaves and also spraying inseticides on the remaining healthy ones.



My custard apple tree has been likewise invaded by a whole gang of these tiny "praying mantises". They don't really cause much damage to the leaves. Still, praying didn't help as they went the same way as those ugly bugs.



My lime trees were infested with little catepillars. No wonder my lime did not bloom this year. Sigh.



Our nice little time in the garden were rudely interrupted by what at first seemed like a swarm of locusts but were actually very angry bees. Some idiots must have disturbed their quiet slumber in their nests on the trees just down the road. We had to run helter-skelter to find shelter. Thankfully no one was stung. My son was totally in awe to see the sky temporary darkened by the insects and the loud humming sound in the sky! My daughter could have won an Oscar screaming her lungs out. She should audition for one of those scream fest movies.


Darlene decided to "decorate" the plants a bit with "fishes" and "lanterns" made out of ang pows (red packets containing money traditionally given out during CNY). She made the lanterns herself while her grandpa made the fishes.



After a few hours, the garden was spick and span and ready for the coming new year.

SCAPEGOAT

I think that much of the time I have been living in a bubble with a false sense of security. I believe that there is good in all of us. I believe that the people around me are kind, honest, considerate, loving. Every once in a while, the bubble burst and I get a rude jolt back to reality. I see again the ugliness of reality, that not all are kind, not all are charitable. Maybe I have been deluding myself all this while.

I felt the sting of betrayal yesterday. I don’t even want to write about it. In brief, I was made the scapegoat for something that I had no part in. Frankly, it hurt. Not because my reputation was tarnished but more so because the sting came from one I considered a friend.

Jesus must have felt that way, a long time ago, when he was betrayed with a kiss by one he called a friend, into the hands of his enemies. It must have hurt then. His “bubble” would have burst too.

It’s not mentioned in the Bible, but you know what, I reckon that Jesus forgave his betrayer. It’s part of his make up. He wouldn’t be who he is if he didn’t.

Yeah, it hurts. But I choose to forgive and move on. It’s the way to go if I am to follow in my Father’s footsteps. Despite it all, I still believe that there is good in all of us.

GREY’S ANATOMY

I have been watching this series on 8TV for the past few Wednesday nights. It starts just about the time I get home from doing locum after work. I watch it from my bathroom while I prepare for bed. How? Yeah, I got this nifty little turn-table that I got for a song in Parkson Grand some time ago where I can place my little 14” TV on and I can conveniently turned it to face the toilet door. Cool eh?

So, as I brush my teeth, scrub my face (it’s a ritual every Wednesdays), shower and dry myself, I watched this show about a bunch of surgical interns working in the emergency department in a hospital. I know I sound rather vague here, simply because I don’t know any of the characters very well. It’s not exactly a show that endears to you, even after a couple of episodes, unlike LOST or DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES.

Well, for one, I didn’t particularly like any of the characters, especially Dr Meredith Grey (played by Ellen Pompeo), whose name features in the title of the show, a clever take on the classical anatomy book by GRAY….a book which everyone respects, everyone probably has a copy but no one reads….except maybe for a few anatomy fanatics or an anatomy lecturer...same thing if you ask me). I would certainly like Dr Grey a lot more if only her voice isn’t so raspy and soft. It sounds like a 6 year old speaking with a mouthful of cotton candy.

Still, after a while, the show grows on you. I actually find myself looking forward to watching it. Most of the stuff shown was really nothing new actually. Been there, done that. It’s been a long time since I was an intern.

They struggled in the show, grappling with many issues whether medical or otherwise. They struggled with unreasonable demands placed on them by their superiors and their patients. They struggle with their conscience sometimes. They learn to trust in their instincts sometimes. Yeah, been there, done that.

Like the in episode last week for instance, Dr Cristina Yang (played by Sandra Oh...btw, she just won an award for her acting at the Golden Globe) could not accept the fact that her patient chose to continue with her pregnancy knowing well that her decision would mean she will die of breast cancer as she could not be given chemotherapy. She felt that the patient’s decision was wrong. I was like that once. I felt that as a doctor, my job was to treat and heal. I could not understand why some people deliberately refused to be treated. Dr Yang was protrayed as a hardened intern, at least in her heart. I suspect she has built a wall of resilience around her to help her cope with the every day human tragedies she sees around her. I think she has very little emotion, unless of course when she is bedding Burke (Isaiah Washington), the senior surgeon there. They are a couple, you know, often making out in the doctor's changing room. Doesn't happen in real life...not that I know of anyway.

With years comes wisdom. Just as in the show, that patient simply chose to give life to a newborn baby, forsaking the little extension of her life by chemotherapy. She knew that when she is gone, her husband and her precious child would have many wonderful years ahead of them and they will always have beautiful memories of her. It’s not hard to understand how the child would feel in the future, knowing that his or her mum gave her life for him/her.

There’s a lesson to be learnt everyday, even in a sometimes cheesy TV show. Actually this show joins the ranks of other medical shows like Chicago Hope, ER, Saint Elsewhere and others, in that the doctors are surgeons. Somehow surgeons get all the glory. I guess it’s more exciting filming blood and gore and how a surgeon saves the day by donning a surgical mask and gown and starts operating away. Physicians in contrast are rather low key in TV shows. You must understand it’s hard to film a 14 day course of antibiotics and patients getting well... gradually. You can’t fit that into a one hour show.

Frankly, I like HOUSE more. It stands out like a sore thumb because it features a physician (and a brilliant one, mind you). It’s also because I don’t like any of the surgeons in GREY’S ANATOMY. Actually, I don’t know many likeable surgeons in real life either (I am going to get crucified for this statement!).

But then again, we are not here to be likeable. We are here to do a job. And do it well we will.

MORE FROM MY GARDEN

Thought I would share some more pics taken from my tiny garden.

Close up shot of the leaves of my crouton plant. Real proud of it as I planted it from a mere leave-less twig many years ago!

For the first time since I was given this pot of aloe vera by my neighbour who was moving away, it's blooming! I didn't even know that aloe veras can bloom! I can't wait to see what the flower would look like! Maybe it might just be in full bloom in time for Chinese New Year!

Got this new plant 2 weeks ago from the by now filthy rich nursery boss near my place. Looks beautiful but smells awful! Definitely not the flower you want to put your nose to.

My "what ever may be the name of this plant" is blooming as well! Really nice!

Close up shot of the flower. So delicate and nice.

Nice long willowy slender flowers against a blue tropical sun.

A PHYSICIAN'S PRAYER

I came across this prayer on the desk of one the clinic where I do part time work (locum). Thought I would share it with you guys..

A Physician’s Prayer

Lord, Thou Great Physician,
I kneel before Thee.
Since every good and perfect gift must come from Thee,
I PRAY:

Give skill to my hand,
clear vision to my mind,
kindness and sympathy to my heart.
Give me singleness of purpose,
strength to lift at least a part of the burden of my suffering fellowmen,
and a true realization of the rare privilege that is mine,
take from my heart all guile and worldliness,
that with the simple faith of a child I may rely on Thee. Amen

THE LITTLE MERMAN

This one is easy. Any takers?

IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE

I remember the advertisement by a local brew many years ago when I was a kid. It always starts with some real mucho macho men who worked hard and at the end of the day they will sit around a table and drink their manly brew. Yes, a nice end to a day's hard work.

Two decades forward, that advertisement no longer exist. You can still see some advertisements promoting alcoholic beverages, but mainly in the first few minutes of the advertisement time before the start of a movie in the local cinema. The brew still exists of course. You can even smell it if you drive by the Federal Highway towards Subang if you have your car windows down. But then again, who drives with their windows down these days??? Now the brew is mainly promoted via posters prominently pasted on the walls of some local restaurants, often cradled in the nubile hands of some scantily clad anorexic model. Ah, now the brew is not only manly, it's also SEXY!

Now, the buzz word is not being macho or even manly. The buzz word about being a man these days is being a METROSEXUAL GUY. How do you define one? I dunno, lots of magazines attempted to define the metrosexual man. I read in one magazine that the metrosexual man owns at least one MAROON colored shirt. I have two....so I guess that qualifies me as a metrosexual, I suppose. I suppose at the heart of being a metrosexual man is a guy (or one who resembles a man, anyway) who is in touch with his feminine side. One who is not afraid to cry, one who appreciates beauty and says it out loud, who who takes care of his skin, who goes for facials, joins a gym...blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth.

How does one reconcile the old with the new? The notion of being a macho man who drinks his brew and the new man who is sensitive and vulnerable?

I can think of one way. DRINK! Drink your booze and you will be in touch with your femminine side (actually I am not sure the word 'femminine' has one 'm' or two); at least morphologically anyway. Let me explain...

A few days ago I posted a picture of the back of a man and asked if any of my readers has an inkling as to what it was. Edina Monsoon ventured to guess (sorry gal, wrong on both counts; and oh, I have no idea how to link your website to mine... hope you can teach me) . Very intelligent guesses too! The correct answer is....SPIDER NAEVI!!! You will now go, like, huh???

And they were some of the biggest I have ever seen too!!! I saw this man in my clinic some time ago. He was a chronic alcoholic. What are spider naevi? Well. they are basically dilated small blood vessels present just beneath the skin. What causes them? Some believe they are due to the high estrogen level (the female hormone) associated with people who drink a large amount of liquor over a prolonged period of time. Why do we call them spiders? Because the lesion has a centre point which if you depress it, the lesion will disappear but once the pressure is lifted, the vessels fill up in a centrfugal way, much like a spider spreading out its legs. Get it??

Other features associated with chronic alcohol consumption are: loss of body hair (except the scalp), enlarging breasts, testicular atrophy (in layman terms, smaller balls) and decreased libido. And the man who drinks begin to resemble a woman over time. What better way to get in touch with his feminine side!! SEXY isn't it?

Why am I so free to write all these non-sensical stuff...because I am on call again this weekend and I am just plain bored. :-) Just in case any one of you out there is a bit dense (my apologies), my point in writing this is....PUHHHLEEEeeeeeeeeeZZZZZ DON'T DRINK!!!! I have seen enough misery caused by alcohol in my patients. Trust me on this one.

What my girl learnt in the 2nd week in school

1. That her headmistress is one angry woman (actually the word she used was "RUDE"). I asked her why and she said when her headmistress SHOUTS, everyone cowers in fear. I had to explain to her that her headmistress needs to be firm as she is authority and if she shows any "softness" people may not take her seriously. I have a feeling I am not very much an authority figure at home....

2. She has 3 friends: Samantha (who seems to be her best buddy now), Alya (her first malay friend) and Cheng something....the girl whose name she could not remember last week. She did tell me her name but I can't remember it either. Chinese names are so hard to remember!

3. That her entire school can't sing the "NegaraKu" (our national anthem) in unison. Now she is no longer interested in singing it.

4. That school can be tiring. She needs (or rather we encourage her) to sleep at least an hour every day after school.

5. She has no homework.

6. That most of books she carry everyday to school in a school bag half her body size and weighs double her weight, are not used....and she has not been given a time table. We have no way of meeting the teacher about this because it's the school policy that parents are not encouraged to meet the teacher except via a certain person in charge (we have no idea who she is). This is the beginning of the "Introduction to government red tape Module 1, Phase 1".

7. That she is still bored....very very bored. Oh dear.

8. That her mum will get a parking ticket if she waits too long outside the school compound to fetch her. There is this trigger happy policeman prowling outside, ready to pounce on anyone who leave the car even for one second.

9. That she misses her mum and dad very much.

10. That the school teachers have better looking tables to eat at than the students during recess time.

I wonder if any of the information above would be useful in life....I suspect some might be.

HOUSE

I watched the show "HOUSE" for the second time yesterday. I know it has been around for some time already but I never really actually sat down and watched it until last week when I watched it by accident. I thought it was a sunday and so happily settled down to watch what I thought would be CSI showing on ASTRO but as it turned out, it was a Saturday and HOUSE came on. And what a merry accident it was.

I must say I truly enjoyed the show last week. Dr Gregory House, a limping (I didn't watch the episode on how he came about to be like that) cynical, brilliant physician with a dry and almost sarcastic wit and humor, takes a bunch of young doctors as they explore one medical mystery after another. Last week was particularly funny...having Carmen Elektra as one of his imaginary patient as he went about a few clinical scenarios was hilarious.

Yesterday's episode was very interesting. He had to diagnose what was ailing his ex's hubby. On the one hand, he wished that his rival dies (he confessed it in the show) but on the other, his calling as a physician meant that he was obligated to treat.

I can identify with Dr. House in many ways. No, I don't have a limp, I don't have a stubble, I am not that old and I am definitely not brilliant like him. But, like him, I enjoy a medical mystery, a challenging diagnosis and yes, my humor sometimes does border on the dry and sarcastic side. And, I enjoy teaching (Dr House, however, doesn't). And I can identify with many of the emotions that he goes through. I think it takes a "wounded" physician to be a good physician. One who can identify with his patients. Like him, there are times I wish I do not have to treat this or that person for this or that reason, but as a physician, I am obligated to treat, no matter what. It's a calling.

And so I have found a new engaging show to follow, just as CSI, LOST and Desperate Housewives have lost some of their luster. Heh heh! And to pat myself in the back, I diagnosed Acute Intermittent Porphyria some 20 minutes into the show, way way WAY before Dr House and team reached the diagnosis.....

Something's crawling up his back



Anyone want to venture a guess what the picture is all about?

My garden

I am sitting in one of empty wing of one of the ward in my hospital. It's my little private happy place. Why? This is one spot where the WIFI signal is strongest and it's also very quiet (unfortunately the air con broke down a long long time ago and no one seems to bother repairing it). It's where I did most of my studying back when I was mugging up for the exam and also the place where I did most of my blogging.

I am feeling very sleepy. I don't think I have recovered from the last on call stress yet and I am on call again this weekend. In times like these, I close my eyes and I am back in my garden at home.

I don't have a big garden at home, perhaps the size of a small toilet! But it's enough to keep me happy gardening. I find it very therapeutic. I imagine pulling out my problems (or my nemesis' eyes) as I do weeding. I imagine washing off the day's burdens as I water the garden. I don't have exotic plants. Most flowers did not survive long in my hands! The grass barely made it. Actually I don't even know the names of the most the plants that I have! Anyhow, the local nursery have really been abundantly prospered by my constant visits there to replenish my dying stock of flowers and plants.


I am not complaining. Gardening is therapeutic. I don't care if others say it's a past time for retirees. Btw, I once lived opposite an elderly couple back in Kuala Pilah who actually got up every morning and would painstakingly WIPE each leaf of their plants because the dust have settled on them and therefore making them less shiny! Actually if I have a choice, I would gladly retire! But at the risk of plunging my little family into sheer poverty and starving my 2 kids, I have to work. Heh heh! I have been gardening since I was a teenager! I pray and hope I won't be reduced to wiping leaves when I do indeed retire!


So, when I close my eyes, I am back in my garden, at least in my mind, to my happy place. It's a good "getaway" from the routine work of unending ward rounds. I had 18 patients under my care this morning. Most of them are getting well, some are not. I don't want to think about them for now. I just want to relax a while. I can't wait to get home and take off my shoes and step bare-footed onto the soft green japanese grass (and brown in certain patches) in my little garden...

Now if I could only get strawberries like the ones above (taken in Cameron Highlands) to grow in my garden...

My Day-ius Horribilis

I have had a horrible day. Woke up late and had to brave thru unusual traffic jam along the usual breezy NPE highway (it seemed like everyone was heading to where I was going) made worst by some bloody idiots who weaved in and out of traffic and those using the left lane to overtake u (If I have the force with me, there would have been many strangled drivers on the road this morning).

Then, I had a very unpleasant phone conversation with some one from the finance department where I am employed (I shall not tell...I try not to bite the hand that feed me...though sometimes a big SNAP is just so tempting). Apparently there is now a new ruling that all medical claim receipts should be GLUED to the claim form and not stapled! Apparently an email has been sent out informing the same, some time ago. I didn't read that email. I don't know if I even received it. Apparently it was to prevent the loss of receipts. So many "apparently". So apparently now I have to get it glued and resend it again. What really made my blood boil was the fact that there was NO ONE KIND ENOUGH in the whole finance department to just pick up a damn bottle or stick of glue and stick the receipts for me. Instead, there were just sent back by post to my poor wife at home who hadn't a clue what the matter is about. Ironically, even the person-in-charge at the place where I sent in the claim form also had no idea that the receipts had to be glued! So there! Sigh!

The cardiac clinic that followed was great. I love to talk to patients. And I managed to get another 17 patients recruited into my thesis project (btw, the grand total now is 79 patients, another 921 to go). Of course I had to skip lunch as the clinic goes on beyond lunch time. After a quick bite, I rushed to the ward. And all hell broke lose...

I don't even want to talk about it. I will just summarise it as relational problems between fellow doctors. I won't even name names. I rather forget it.... Sigh. I feel better now. Thank God I really don't have the force with me...otherwise there will be a serious lack of doctors in this hospital. My nostrils are still smouldering but the fire is gone. I am going to join my friend in a newly opened sauna nearby and relax. Forget work for a while. I hope the remainder of the day will be decent and good.

Deep breathing.....ten...nine...eight...seven...

What My Girl Learnt The First Week In School

One week has passed since my little girl started school. I was home on Friday and she told me some of the stuff she learnt. Here they are:

1. She learnt that her name can be so badly mispronounced by her teachers. Her English teacher, specifically, does not know that the "e" in her name is silent. Sigh...

2. She happily animated an action song that involves pulling the ears and squatting (now we know....). The lyrics of the song consisted of only the following words: Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Mac Donald! Talk about Western Influence.

3. She was bored...very bored. She lamented the fact that the work she was given to do has been done before when she was 4 years old. I gently reminded her that not everyone in her class started kindergarten at 4 years old and that perhaps she could help her friends out.

4. She has made ONE new friend. She can't remember her name.

5. She has to wear only BLACK ribbons to school. Sigh. I know they have to wear uniform but do they have to be so uniformed??? What's wrong with a little variety like pink ribbons etc etc. Little wonder we produce people who are so monotonous and lack creativity.

Hmmmm, do I start to worry???

LETTING GO

My daughter started year 1 in school on Monday. Last Friday was her "orientation" at her new school. It's an all girls primary school. We decided to enrol her in a national school (much to the displeasure of many concerned friends and relatives who felt that she should be in a chinese school..mainly because it's better). We thought it over carefully, way way back before my kid started kinder and we've decided that the national school is where we should send her.

No doubt, the chinese medium schools have better performance results compared to the national schools. And we lament the fact that national schools nowadays are not the same as the ones we were schooled in. Back in those days, it didn't matter that prayers are not recited in each and every event; it didn't matter that football matches have to be stopped when the call for prayer is broadcasted...look I am not a racist nor am I against any religion. It's just different now.

Finding a school for my kid was an ordeal by itself. The school which is within walking distance from my house had like one chinese student in the entire school the last time we checked! So we had to enrol her in a school across town. On orientation day we counted there were about 13 chinese students, give or take 2, among the year one batch and the others being an almost equal mix of malays and indians. We wanted our kid to be in a school where she can learn to mix with other races and yet have people of her own race to mix with also. Back when I was in primary school, it was just like that (but back then, we had more chinese in the school).

Another reason was that both my wife and I can't read chinese even in order to save our lives! I can speak a bit of mandarin but that's about it. We use English at home. My daughter absolutely hate to learn chinese (not my fault!, we didn't discourage her). So, enrolling her in a chinese school would be quite traumatic to her as well as to us because we would not be able to help her at all with her homework.

And most of all, we just want her to have fun. I had fun in primary school. Great fun in fact. We didn't want her to be stressed up so early in her life. Kids are meant to play. Their work is play. There are many years in the future for later stresses.

And as much as we deplore the state of national school now, we are hopeless optimists. We have hope that the government may finally do things right. The rot has gone on far enough. We hope that our daughter will get a good education, that she will learn to mingle with others not of her own, that she may learn to be tolerant and kind, that she will have fun...GREAT FUN!

And so, on Friday last week, we drove her to her new school. As she sat there in her new uniform and sparkling white shoes waiting for the program to start (which btw started 1 hour late...not a good sign at all!), I couldn't help but feel that I am letting go a part of my life. I am entrusting the education of my kid into the hands of people I don't even know well and I am taking a risk that what she might be taught may not be good.

I can't believe that the little baby I cradled in my arms have now grown into a such a sweet girl, all ready to start school. It's just the first step of letting go. With the years, I know I will have to let go more and more, until someday she is independent and able to be on her own. I have mixed feelings but that's how it will be. My parents let me go...and I turned out ok I think. I just pray she will too.

Raindrops on roses…

I don’t know why but for the last week or so, the song “These are a few of my favourite things” from ‘The Sound of Music’ kept playing on my mind. I have been thinking about some of my own favourite things. Things that give me pleasure, that tingles my senses and makes me feel warm and happy inside. I have quite a list. Am going to list down some of them.



1. The sound of wind chimes! And I do have quite a few at home. I know it drives some people nuts and to the superstitious, it may even be considered not a good thing to keep. But to me they are music to my ears as the gentle breeze blows over them and they give out their musical notes. My latest acquisition is the one made of bamboo bought in Malacca when I went for Edmund’s wedding.

2.The sound of rain drops on a zinc roof.

3.The smell of freshly cut grass.

4.The smell of rain.

5.A hot cup of coffee or cocoa and a good book along with an easy chair on a rainy day. That is heavenly.

6.Theme song of the movie “Dying Young” by Kenny G. The movie was nothing great. Julia Roberts wasn’t even all that famous back then, but when I hear this song I am transported, in my mind, back to a place we fondly called “End Point” in Manipal where I did my undergraduate studies. It’s a sort of a cliff overlooking some secondary jungle and a river dotted by small huts. Occasionally you can even see a flock of birds flying in formation or even an eagle soaring in the sky. I used to go there often, alone, just to enjoy the scenery and sunset. The air was cool and breezy. And it gave me peace. It was easy to commune with God there. And while I was there, I would have my walkman playing that theme song. Listen to it if you have the chance. Close your eyes and imagine a soaring eagle to the accompaniment of that song and you will see what I mean.

7.A good massage. Some of the best massages I have ever had were done by blind masseurs in Brickfields. Nothing like a good massage especially after a particularly bad on call the day before.

8.Swimming in the hot sun and getting a tan! Due to a severe lack of body fat, swimming in cold water or even in mild weather is out for me! I might end up with hypothermia!

9. Watching my kid sleep. Children sleep so peacefully and in such innocence. Not a care in the world.

10. And yes, definitely brown paper packages tied up with strings. :-)

An update: Today I landed 11 patients. Only 949 patients to go. Trying to be optimistic.

RM 199,999!

A local daily is running a contest whereby you list 9 things you would love to do if you win RM 199,999 in order of priority. If your list is identical to the one they will eventually compile out of the all the entries they will receive (the chance would be like 1 in a GODZILLION or something), then u take home the cash! Didn't take me long to figure out my priorities! Here they are:

1. Settle my debts! (God knows how much debt I have...if not for all the suicides that I see everyday in my work, I might have just called the nearest Loan Shark!)

2. Save for a rainy day. (Call me a prude but money in hand is better than money in a credit card, anytime)

3. Invest in a new home. (We just went to view a double storey bungalow yesterday and we are soooooooOOOOO IN LOVE with it! But then again, I will probably have to work my a** off for the next 3 generations to pay it off, EVEN with RM 199,999 in hand...the cost of the house was ONLY RM 800K!)

4. Buy a brand new car. (Always dreamt of driving a BMW...but then again, my kids might be kidnapped or my car stolen the instant I step out of it...sigh...back to the Kancil)

5. Go on a shopping spree (and why not? So many gadgets! So much temptations! So... LITTLE cash!)

6. Go on a dream holiday. (actually I don't have a dream holiday...mainly I didn't have the cash to dream of any. Maybe it's time to start. New Zealand maybe...would love to see how the hobbits live there. Heh heh!)

7. Donate to charity. (almost felt guilty that I ranked it so low. No further comment)

8. Get an image makeover. (I seriously doubt it's going to work. The damage is too extensive to be undone. Sigh. Still, a nose job, hinny- enhancements, great pecs are on my wish list, and yes....world peace).

9. Further my education. (Acck! Nothing in this world is going to make me go back to studies again...not formally anyway. Alas, I am stuck in a profession that requires constant updating as the medical world expands at light speed...or risk becoming an old unyielding fossil. The only consolation is that there won't be anymore EXAMS!)

I really hope, pray, wish, will it, desire, want want WANT to win that sum! Oh God, let me win!!!! Heck, I might even consider studying again...heh heh!